Becky's blog


Almost time. Almost time. Almost time. ARRGH. I am now officially scheduled to be induced on April 6. I could still go into labor prior to that date, but it gives me a target. I am ready and not ready all at the same time. I am excited and sad all at once. Random, conflicting emotions all run together. ARGHH!!!

Okay now that I have taken a relaxing breath, I am okay. I do not look forward to the induction, I have heard they hurt more than natural labor. I do look forward to seeing the baby for real. I have seen her in sonograms, but nothing is like holding a real baby. I think she has chubby cheeks and a cute mouth, big feet and long fingers. But what do I really know from the black and white sonogram image. All I know for sure is that she is a Girl. I still don't even know her full name. A name is forever, so I want to make sure hers is good. With Zane we had his name picked at about 25 weeks and that was that. Amanda was named when I was just 6 weeks along. I don't know what a boy name would have been but we had that girl name for a long time. This time I just don't know. I really want to honor my mom, but can't figure it out. This is one thing I miss about having a partner. Then I could blame him if the baby hates her name later. Now it is all on me.

I still miss John, but have come to realize that no matter what, I couldn't have taken him back and treated him well. I would have always wondered about the other woman and their life together short as it was. Now I just wish him well. Once the baby is born I can move on. Right now I just have to get past the will he be there for labor or won't he stage. I also need to make sure the baby is okay.

9 days and I will be a mom for the 3rd time. Wow, it happened so fast. I can't believe it. Then again it seems like forever. At least we are in the home stretch now.