Waiting
Still waiting for baby. I guess she will come in her own time, pretty close to her due date. That is good, but man am I tired of being pregnant and tired. Next is a new mom and tired, so I guess the tired doesn't go away. I am still a one and the doctor couldn't feel her head so she has a way to go. I am betting on delivery somewhere close to the 3rd of April. We will just have to see.
Things have really deteriorated with John. Week before last he and I actually talked and things seemed okay. But then I asked about Mary and that was the end of that. I just want him to admit that she had a role in our demise. He still won't take any responsibility for his part in the divorce. He always just says I was unhappy and hid it. Well we could have worked on that. And that is like blaming me for his unhappiness. Still don't know what his illness is. I guess I will never know.
He had Zane over the weekend, but spent the entire time with Mary. I really wish he could spend time with just Zane. Zane needs that more than anything. But I called the lawyer and he was going to contact John's attorney to have him stop overnight visits with a member of the opposite sex, not related to him. I don't know if that will help, but at least it is a start. I still can't believe he has replaced me with her. I guess she must be a really great person, or else I was just a horrible wife.
I miss having a companion to share this pregnancy with. Someone to plan with and dream with. Someone to time contractions and hold my hand when I deliver. Someone to lie next to me at night and hold my hand. I miss John. Can't help it. You would think that I would be over that by now. But I still miss him. Too bad he doesn't miss me. That would certainly help me feel better.
I had some nesting feelings over the weekend. Very strange for me. I try to keep the house picked up, but am not the best housekeeper. So it was weird to think, hey these walls need to be scrubbed. Crazy. Never had that with the other two, but then every pregnancy is different. We will see how this one turns out.
posted by Becky @ 7:26 AM
1 Comments:
You are doing so great, i know it has to be really hard to try and be positive. Remember that it takes two to make a relationship work and John was not willing to work that way anymore. I know God could've worked things out had John been willing, but he wasn't, so try not to dwell on it. I know that sounds really simple and I know that I don't know what it is like at all, but I hate that you are so unhappy and I know that God is blessing you daily and is truly working in your life. I can see it, as can anyone who reads your posts. Can't wait to hear when things start happening with the little one, she will make her appearance when she is good and ready. Hopefully soon, for your sake! :) And you will be the tired new mom soon, but it is so much better than being the pregnant tired, you have this glorious miracle to look at and cuddle and snuggle with! :) I love you sweety and am sending big hugs your way! :) Toodles! In Him-- Holly
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