I just can't believe..

I can't believe Amanda is turning 14 tomorrow. I should still be 16 and a kid and here I have a child almost that age. It is so hard to deal with. I feel so old.

I can't believe it has been a year since John told me he just didn't want to work it out. Somedays I still miss him and wish things had been different. But I want him to be happy. That is why I had told him to just be with Mary. I so regret that, but I guess God has a plan.

I can't believe that Cayla will be 7 months old this week. Man time flies. She is still so sweet and I want to keep her a baby forever. But I also know that I want her to grow and have a good life. Before I know it she will be turning 14.

I can't believe that I am thinking about dating. I am still not sure about it. But I don't have to worry too much... no prospects. I did christiansingles and yahoo personals. No one has responded looking for me. I guess God just doesn't have that in my immediate future. Sometimes I think, I had a good husband and blew it so why look for anyone else. Yes I know he contributed, but I really did start the ball rolling.

I can't believe it is almost November. I am going to work really hard at being happy during the holidays. I am much happier than I was a few months ago. I don't think I will ever get over the hurt of losing John, but I am moving on with life.

I am going to work on patience this year. Waiting is not my strong suit, but I am working on it. Just have to remember that all things can't happen--right now.