Singing to the radio

Cayla is a month old and doing great. Melissa is supposed to log in and post her four week pictures soon. I am sure they are wonderful. Cayla is really settling into a schedule now, of course it isn't my preferred schedule but it helps. My "other" mom is here this week and is really helping us. She has been letting me sleep a lot so I am feeling pretty good.

Zane is really having a hard time with his daddy's departure. He still thinks he is going to daddy's house on Tuesday, Thursday or "today." I had been letting him talk to John on the phone but it hurts him over and over again. Like the movie 50 first dates, it makes it all real for him again. I finally told John not to call and so far he has not called. Zane hasn't asked for him at all. Of course that has only been since Wednesday. Tomorrow I am taking Zane to a counselor to get her opinion on how to handle contact with him. I have to do what is best for Zane at this point. If it meant moving closer to John I would do it, for Zane. Of course John would not do the same. He is just selfish.

I am feeling like myself again. I haven't had happy days in a long time, but recently I woke up from my sorrow. I noticed that I can sing with the radio again and the sad songs don't make me cry. That is when I knew I would be okay. That and I didn't want to stick my head in the oven anymore. I am not even taking the anti-depressants. Just getting on with life.

The divorce will be finalized July 18. 9 days before my 29th (okay 35th) birthday. My first divorce was final two days before I turned 25. Pretty ironic. The funny thing is this time our anniversary comes first, so we will be married 5 yeas before the divorce. I still hate the idea of divorce, but must deal with it.

Have to find a job now. Pray that God will throw the right one at my feet, literally. I need His guidance on this one.

More later and hopefully some pics of the baby.