Everyone has there own version

Everyone has there own version of hot or attractive or whatever. Someone can be very cute and attractive but not be hot, depending on how you look at it.

I think Matthew McConaughey is a true hottie. Does that mean that anyone I date has to look like him? NO. In fact he is not even my true type. One of my favorite book series is all about a female bounty hunter torn between two guys. She has an on again off again thing with one of them. He is cute and they share and attraction. The other one is her ideal hottie. They have the attraction to, but everyone knows it would never work. So which is better the guy who is cute that you are attracted to who could be the one, or the ulitmate hottie that would never work? I vote for the cute guy with potential every time.

What really makes a person attractive to me is their personality and the outer package. I like tall men with dark (not blonde) hair. I like eyes that smile and "talk" on their own. I like someone I can talk to and relate to. Intelligence matters. So can I be attractive to someone I don't find a hottie, YES. I don't think I am a hottie either, but I do think I am pretty. I have a nice smile, great eyes, and a wonderful personality. Who wouldn't want me (LOL). Seriously I have a lot to offer even if I am not a super model.

Anyway all of that is to say, I hurt someone's feelings by saying they weren't a hottie. I feel so bad about it. He is a truly nice guy. We had tons in common. But I blew it. Again. At least God gave me a sign that I am not meant to be alone. Now if he could just talk for me....Maybe I need an Aaron to my Moses or a Cyrano for my Christian. Maybe I should just shut up completely. But that wouldn't be me.

I guess it is back to waiting paitently for the right person to fall from the sky. I am just sorry that I blew it with a genuinely nice guy. May God Bless Stefan with a true love match, and some where along the way, me too.

E-harmony???

Okay so it has been over a year since the big split and my heart has been shattered for much of that time. Yet each day I feel more and more whole. Never thought that would happen. I still miss John he was such a big part of my life, but I can sleep now and not dream of him. I can drive to work and not cry on the way. I can listen to love songs on the radio and sing along. I guess time is healing my wounds. I will always miss that part of me that was John. The void he left cannot be filled. It can however be patched.

I decided to try dating. UGGG. I don't have any local prospects and don't really have anywhere to meet someone. Our church just doesn't have any single men in the right age bracket. So I decided to do the online thing. I joined Christiansingles.com. I big don't do it there. All scammers no real people. That was just a waste. I also have a my space account, but no luck there either. I did yahoo personals, and I am starting to get some communication but not much. My problem is that I don't know how to express my true self in a computer generated thing. So I finally decided alright let's do e-harmony. So I joined. I got some matches right away. Based on blah, blah proven blah blah components of blah, blah--don't have the commercial memorized you can tell.

So had some communication with one person, but he said nope not the one. Then had other matches with no correspondence. Getting a little impatient. (Supposed to be working on that). So I prayed about it and told God I need some thing to happen now not later. And the next day a match came through. We have made it through almost all the preliminary steps. I am very nervous about it. He seems like a genuinely nice guy. Has a lot of the same values and stuff that I do. I guess that is the blah, blah components proven to do whatever. He said he loves to teach (me too), loves to travel (me too) loves kids (I have 3), etc. We also sent a list of must haves and can't stands to each other. Ours matched almost exactly--very freaky. So now we are almost at the point where we get to communicate outside of the choose a category stuff built into e-harmony. We are on the last step before that. I am really nervous now.

So he is not a hottie, but then neither am I. He is not John, but hey that didn't work anyway. So, God please guide this and help me and Stefan do the right thing. If this is what you want, help us to build on the right foundation. If not help me to wait your guidance.

I told John recently that he is my ideal and I didn't think I can ever replace him, can't find a new him. Maybe I can find a better model, just like he did.