Giving up on a dream. For the longest time, I have wanted to wish away the past 2 years of hurt. I wanted John to come back and make everything right again. Even when he was in New York with his girlfriend, I wanted him to come back and start over. In April when they broke up, I thought I might have a chance to see my dream come true. I read a book about a marriage hurt by infidelity and how it was ultimately reconcilled--I thought that was a sign. I have been waiting on God to answer my prayer my way. But God has his own plans.

Today I got to go into the worship service at Church. I haven't been in a long time. Because I am always in the nursery or with the children. But today, I got to go. And God spoke to me through a song. He wants me to give up the hurt I am holding inside and the dream. He wants to be in control. So tonight I told John I no longer wanted him in my life at all. I cannot be his friend when I love him and regret the ways I failed as a wife. I cannot hold on to that dream. So I let it go.

God will eventually bless John with all he desires. One day the right person will come into his life and he will once again wed. I prayed over John today and I begged John to allow God back in. I know that he was moved by what I said, but I don't know how long it will take him to realize that he has to go back to God.

God has blessed me with children and a good job and a number of great friends. That is all I need. I feel that I am not called to be a wife. Eventually God will show me His plan and I will see that is is better than my dream. Until then I will slowly heal.

May all of you see God make your dreams come true.